I've calmed down a lot since my last post, one full of controversy.
What calmed me down was a new focus of my anger. It's important to note that while I've calmed down it's only reinforced my opinions and further established my beliefs. Perhaps established isn't the right word. Formed, perhaps... Yes, formed. My beliefs have been formed where they weren't so evident before. I've never felt so strongly about something until now.
Instead of looking at the here and now, I choose to look into the future.
My new focus is my Son. My new focus is the Children of Today.
I think about the What If's. And I challenge anyone to think about them as well. I hope to open people's eyes to the Possibilities. Because if you haven't already thought about the possibilities then you may one day be unprepared.
In the mornings my husband leaves about twenty minutes before I do, so he brings my son into our bedroom and sits him on our bed so that I can watch him as I get myself ready for work. My son is Smart. He is Focused. He is very Observant. He will watch me intently as I blow dry my hair and put on my make-up. I think about how watching me do these things might shape him. Will he see me doing these girly things and one day try to mimic me? At five years old will he ask me if he could dress up in my shoes and clothes? I won't really know until that time comes. But the reality is, he's just smart, focused and observant. He likes the sound that the blow dryer makes. And he loves staring at his Mama. I'm not worried about him watching me do girly things and how it could affect the person he becomes.
Yes, he's a boy. We dress him in boy clothes and have every intention of having him do all the boy things; sports, cars, racing... He's only six months old. His personality is just starting to show but has not yet made him the person he will become. And the person he is at age five won't determine the person he will become at age eighteen.
The big What If is this: What if, at the age of sixteen, your son comes to you and tells you he thinks he's gay? What would you do? Would you get angry at him, tell him he's an abomination, throw him out of your house? Would you tell him he's just confused, try to pressure him into straight relationships, and conform him like the movie, But I'm a Cheerleader? Or would you support him through this difficult revelation, help him find his way whichever way it may be, and continue to love him unconditionally?
It's a simple answer for me.
It took me five years before I was able to create a life inside of me. God gave me this miracle and I will be fortunate if there are more miracles to come. I wouldn't let him go so easily. He is the reason I live. I live for him. He is the reason for my emotion.
I think about how I plan to raise my son. I want him to know God. But I also want him to learn that God is accepting and tolerant. God loves all His children, and He wouldn't have put anyone on this Earth if He didn't have a purpose for them.
I think about the Children of Today. How in ten, fifteen, twenty-plus years from now decisions made today will shape their future. No matter what, 100% of those children will have limited rights. A significant percentage of those same children will be a minority that are not accepted as a people. Equality is not for All. Most likely the same percentage of parents will have been those who were unprepared for the possibility that their child could join this group of minorities. My own child(ren) could become a part of this minority. But at least I know that I won't be a part of the percentage of parents unprepared. I have thought about the possibility, and I am accepting of the possibility. My husband is accepting of the possibility. I could only hope that the rest of my son's loved ones would consider and accept the possibility.
It is heartbreaking to know that Parents, Grandparents, Siblings and other loved ones have in the past and will continue in the future to disown their own Child, Grandchild, or loved one for being different. If you can't love your child unconditionally and learn to love the person they could potentially become, the possibility that they may be different, then why bring them into this world? If you can so easily disregard your own blood then what is Family? I will love all God's children for who they are meant to be. I will even love them for you, if you feel you are unable to do so.