Alphabet Scramble: I

I

 

Infant - Lucas has long since been in the baby stage, oh no.  He is an Infant!  :)  Maybe it's just a more politically correct term?  I dunno.  Anywho, he's my infant and that's all that matters!

ID tag - Yes, of course we saved Lucas' tags, as well as mine, from the hospital!  Our first souvenirs.

Induction - I won't go into this, just that I had to have one.  And it took awhile because they couldn't increase my doses until the current dose steadied out enough.  But eventually it got me where I needed to be, obviously.  :)

Battle for a Turtle

This was stirred up in my thoughts this morning thanks to a new IG follower of mine, Tonya.  After getting the notification that I had a new follower I looked her up and saw that she had a blog site (and a son also named Lucas!)  Of course I checked it out, added it to my Google Reader and came across a recent post which of course brings me to write this now.  If you choose not to click the link and view her post first (or at all) I'll give you the gist of it.  It's about Infertility, the struggles and emotions as a result, and a support group for women.

As I may have mentioned previously {in my PREGNANT post}, it took us five years to get pregnant.  We struggled with infertility.  We had made the decision six months into our marriage that we wanted to try to have kids.  (Buh bye birth control.)  We had no success.  This is about my lengthy struggle with infertility, and lengthy it is so bare with me.

Now, at the time we were both getting started with our careers and had moved to a new place (Wisconsin) far away from our families.  After months of failure I was very disappointed but knew it could take quite some time, especially after getting off of birth control.  Then three years went by.  And by that time I was distraught and blamed myself for our infertility.  

Even though we struggled so many years we still didn't seek out professional help aside from my regular GYN visits.  I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS and since that is a popular cause of infertility I placed all the blame on myself.  Needless to say it put a strain on my marriage and Hubby and I went through a rough patch.

After reconciling we moved back home to North Carolina - a fresh start.  Re-establishing ourselves and careers yet again became our focal point.  After our fourth year of marriage we just tried not to think so hard about conceiving, even though the disappointment was still running in the background.  But we finally talked about it again and decided to get serious, meaning seeing and talking to the professionals.  I saw my GYN and got a referral to an Infertility Specialist.  

But before my referral appointment my GYN scheduled me for a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) at a local lab.  They insert a dye and x-ray your uterus and surrounding areas, checking for any abnormalities in your uterus, ovaries and tubes.  I went to the lab and had the procedure done.  It was PAINFUL.  And the results were not good.  It showed that only half of my uterus was "lit up" and thus only one tube.  The technician thought I had an abnormal uterus.  Of course, this upset me greatly.  If I had been able to conceive then my chances of carrying a fetus to term are not high.  This had me doing a lot of research online and getting me even further and further depressed.

Finally I go see the specialist.  The result of that visit was another diagnosis for me, Hypothyroidism.  Another factor in my infertility.  Another strike against my ego.  She pulled the test results from the HSG and was confused.  She said it told her nothing and questioned the test validity.  So I had to have it redone, this time at their lab with her performing it.  I was unhappy about having to go through it again since it was extremely painful.

This time around Hubby was there with me, holding my hand, and they actually gave me a sedative before the procedure, something the previous lab neglected to do!  They inserted the dye and we watched the screen as it flowed through my body.  Hubby actually said I gasped once we saw it spread throughout my uterus AND into my ovaries.  I had a perfect uterus and neither of my tubes were blocked!!  You just can't imagine the RELIEF of this.  It was one less strike for me and very good news to hear that if we did succeed in conceiving that I shouldn't have any difficulties carrying a child.  {Not to mention this time around the procedure barely hurt at all, this lab did it right.  Whereas the other lab must have inserted the balloon instrument too far, blocking off so the dye couldn't spread throughout.}

But we aren't out of the clear yet.  Hubby still needed to be tested, and he was.  It was unexpected to learn that he actually had a problem too.  No, it wasn't his sperm count.  Ha, that could have been fixed more easily from the research I found.  It was actually his mobility that was slow, or Low Motility.  As I recall it, it means the sperm are abnormally shaped.  So basically the tail is curved instead of straight, causing them to swim in circles.  So they never make it to the egg because they can't get very far moving in circles, now can they?  Here's a brief explanation about Low Motility.

So now it's not just me, it's the both of us.  Double Whammy.  I can actually spread out some of the blame for our infertility.  But that's not gonna help us any.  But I have to admit it did take some of the pressure off of me.  Unfortunately, there aren't many treatments for men's infertility like women have.  And my issues can be treated with the medications I began taking.  So our doctors kept telling us to "hurry up and wait".  About a year later we went back to the specialist.  What do you know but she was out on maternity leave.  (Bruise my ego again.)  So we saw her counterpart and he reviewed our case.

After a few months of trying without any medical help other than my prescriptions of Synthroid we still hadn't conceived (apparently doctors want to see you fail before they actually prescribe you anything).  Finally, they got around to giving me Clomid.  I had actually tried it once while in Wisconsin but didn't take it more than the first dose.  You need to take it at least three months straight to see if it will even work for you.  I had only taken one dose.

This doctor I believe gave me a double dose along with the monthly refills.  Well folks, I got lucky with that first double dose.  We finally we're pregnant.  We finally got our "turtle".  End struggle here.

Now to discuss the other side to this struggle, the actual emotions.  I was never the type to broadcast my emotions so clearly to all.  I tended (perhaps still do) to keep things bottled up.  Throughout those five years of trying to get pregnant we never told our friends and families that we were trying to do so (there were a rare few that I did confide in of course).  Plain and simple: I just couldn't bare to broadcast our failure.  In fact, we tried to do the exact opposite.  I tried to play it off as us waiting to start our family and that we just weren't interested yet.  I was even uninterested in other people's babies, pretending to some extent to not want anything to do with them.  The truth was, it just hurt too much.

Eventually though, roughly when we finally got serious about trying, is when I revealed everything to my parents.  I had even discussed with them about IVF and how costly it would be for us, another reason we just kept trying naturally.  And shortly before we actually succeeded did we reveal it to Hubby's mom.  

Looking back I don't think I would have changed too much.  I still would have preferred to keep it to myself, mainly because I didn't want to hear everyone's advice.  Now that I've succeeded though I feel like I can share this.  What I would have changed however was our laziness. I would have gotten serious earlier on and pushed myself and Hubby to seek the professional help we needed.  We could have been on our second or third child by now.  But I'm not complaining.  I love my turtle, Lucas.  

Alphabet Scramble: U is for...

This week's Alphabet Scramble is brought to you be the letter U!

We're officially starting the back half of the alphabet.  It's downhill from here.

Uncles {and Aunt!} - Lucas has several of these!

Ultrasound - I first found out I was pregnant with the simple home test.  It was important for me to confirm this surprise with the Doctor.  So when we had our first ultrasound it was a mixture of emotions.  I think Hubby and I both held our breaths.  And then once we saw the sack on the screen the Doctor gave us the confirmation and finally came the excitement.  Hubby actually told me he heard me release the breath I was holding.  Below are some of the pictures over the months, when my turtle was growing in my belly.  :)

Alphabet Scramble: P is for... Part Two

This is Part Two of the Letter P Edition of this week's Alphabet Scramble.  Check out Part One here.

And I have to retract what was said about Peas in the previous Part One post.  The past two days at daycare he hasn't wanted anything to do with them.  I'm putting Peas into the Failure category - to try again later on.

Pregnancy - Now I'd have to say overall I probably had an easy pregnancy. I didn't get morning sickness aside from a few times where I felt a little queasy, but it was more or less just as if it was running in the background and fortunately never came up (pun intended). I'd say I started showing early enough thanks to my First and Second Breakfasts that I enjoyed while at work. So I broke out the maternity pants/shorts as soon as I could.

           I was very careful during my first trimester to avoid all the "bad" stuff that you are told about. I had absolutely no caffeinated beverages. By the time second trimester came around I was a lot more lax. One caffeine drink is perfectly fine each day so I definitely enjoyed my Dr. Pepper's when I could. And I would have my share of fish each week.

           I started to feel Lucas kick the week I was due to get my Gender Ultrasound. I was enjoying Burger King for lunch and treated myself to a Hershey Pie for dessert, and all of a sudden I felt this fluttering off to one side. He sure enjoyed all that sugar too! For the bulk of the pregnancy he stayed in the same position. He was always head down with his butt up toward my right side and legs off the my left side.

           My sleeping troubles really became an issue at the end of my second trimester and hit full-force throughout my third trimester. Between not being able to sleep comfortably and the heartburn I would get in the middle of the night made my last 1-2 months the worst. My feet didn't really start swelling until the last two weeks I think - and now I've permanently gained a half shoe size. (Sad because my cowboy boots fit me perfectly before!)

           The last few weeks of course were unbearable to me because I was VERY ready for him to come out. I just wanted to be comfortable again. Unfortunately he was was too cozy (and stubborn) so he was approximately nine days past due. Hubby and I did a ton of walking that final week. There are several malls nearby and we walked three of them hoping to get him to descend. I remember having people ask the infamous "When are you due?" And as the time went by it was "In two days..." "Yesterday..." "Last week..." People were awed that I was wobbling around the mall. Eventually we had to give Lucas the push he needed and I went in for Induction.

Belly Progress!

PREGNANT...

That's what the little stick said. 

One Year Ago...

Oh, wait...you didn't think...  Haha, no, sorry to disappoint.

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant.  This is a look back on that day.

FLASHBACK!!!!!

February 17, 2011

It's probably about 5am.  I just got up to get ready for work.  First things first.  I gotta pee on that stick that I set out the night before.  ::sigh:: 

Tinkle tinkle drip drip...two to three minutes later...

What???!!!   POSITIVE?!!

I'm in shock.  I sit down on the toilet to ground myself. 

You have to understand why I'm in shock, probably more so than some women might be.  This is the first positive test I've had so I don't doubt the results one bit.  You see I've peed on a lot of sticks over the past five years and they were always negative, not even a false positive.  So seeing this for the first time is a bit surreal.

After I regain my composure (albeit still grinning from ear to ear with the excitement) I realize now Hubby needs to be informed.  How best to tell him??  Should I jump on the bed with the stick in my hand?

Nah, he isn't even home.  You see he had gone the night before to his sister's house.  He has a job interview today and instead of making the drive first thing this morning he decided to go in the night before so he doesn't have to worry about rushing. 

So do I call him with the news?  Nope.  I make the executive decision to hold off and wait for him to get home.  The plan is for him to come home right after the interview and get in around the time I get home.  I don't want to bombard him with this news when he has an important job interview that he needs to focus on.

This is going to be tough!  I have to go about my day with the weight of this news on my shoulders and cannot tell a single soul.  You know Hubby has to be the first one, right?

But I manage.  Of course, I am a bit chipper throughout the day and chomping at the bit to tell someone at work.  But aside from Hubby having to be the first it is also way too early to be telling anyone at my work about my condition.

It's now 5pm.  I'm home.  Hubby is not here yet!  Ugh.  He's running late.  So I wait and wait...  Finally, he's home.  Yay!  Time for the news!  NOPE.

You see, there's another twist to this day.  It's my father-in-law's birthday.  (Happy Birthday Frankie!)  And we have dinner plans with the family and some family friends to meet them at Annabelle's.  We have just enough time for Hubby to settle in and for us to get ready to head over to dinner.  ::sigh::  There is no way I am telling him now and then going to see his family right after.  We're not ready to tell any of the family just yet, it would also be way too early.  I made yet another executive decision to wait.

So we go to dinner.  Let me say that in my new frame of mind I'm Pregnant!  So much has already changed and even more is about to change.  What changes first?  I order a salad and a glass of water.  YUM.  For the next hour and a half I am mostly quiet.  I don't know what to say without giving anything away.  It's getting later and later and we've finished our meals, why are we still here??  Hubby, "we need to go...", "we need to go..."  Can I not nag you enough?? 

Hubby must think I really need to get home to go to the bathroom or something if I keep bugging him.  But he is really one to drag out a conversation, especially if it's with his Dad and the topic is racing.  FINALLY, we get to go home! 

We're home.  Now what?  How do I tell him I'm PREGNANT?  Do I just tell him bluntly or do I come up with some clever and creative way to tell him?  Well, it's a bit too late for creativity.  But I can't tell him bluntly.  That's just not me.  So now we're home and I still can't tell him just yet.  I've got to come up with something.

Here it is.  You see, I have one of those cardboard boxes for jewelry, one for a bracelet so it's long.  The pee stick fits in it perfectly.  So I put it in the box.  No wait, I don't just put it in the box.  First I put it in a plastic baggy and then the box.  (I don't want any bodily fluids actually ruining the box so I can't use it again, right?)  My plan is to give it to him as a late gift since Valentine's Day was just three days ago.  So that's the plan.

Happy Valentine's!  I got you a MARKER!

Here it goes.  Hubby is already settled in the bed for the evening.  I hop on the bed with my box.  "I have a late Valentine's gift for you."  Hubby takes the box and opens it...  His face is, confused.  He tells me later that he thought it was a marker at first.  A MARKER??  What kind of markers do you use buddy??

You can see it on his face when he finally realizes what it is.  (The fact that it's the test that flat out says PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT should have helped him out a little sooner.)  His face is beaming.  "Really?", Hubby says.  "That's what it says," I say.  And I reiterate the fact that I've never had a false positive before so I'm inclined to believe it.  But of course, we have to see the Doctor to confirm.

We spend the rest of the evening talking over our new found Baby Bliss. 

This is the moment I first knew I would meet my little Lucas.